sixteen.

February 22, 2013

Tonight, it almost feels like summer.  The air is completely warm and soft feeling.  It is very quiet.  The whole world could be dead for all I know.  It’s late but it has been so beautiful I don’t quite want to leave it to sleep.  Sleep would just wipe this feeling away and it has been a long time since I felt it.  Funny, isn’t it, how some things (especially music) will bring back memories; maybe not so much memories, but feelings.  Or maybe a state of being?  I don’t know.  I guess I am remembering last summer in 2012.  I’ve lain in bed some nights trying to figure that summer out.  It was like something was passing in that summer.  Passing over.  It was very quiet and it’s funny this way because it wasn’t sad but it felt like it ought to be.  But it was peaceful and happy.  It was like living a world inside another world.  A sort of falling to sleep inside another sleep.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a hunch about what it was.

Growing up is just funny.  Begin as a child and grow and learn and slowly, over time, build up facts and then begin to understand them; learn how to use them and be graceful about it.  And by the time you understand all that, you are a teenager and adding more confusing stuff in your life, adding it with what you already know; then you sort it out and remember the good feelings of some things and the bad feelings of other things.  Then, basically, you are just sort of growing up.  Doing funny stuff like paying attention to other people and noticing things you’ve never noticed before and dreaming little dreams.  The ironic thing?  One day, after more or less realizing who you are and the way things work, you see that it’s not just you- it’s everybody who goes through this.  It’s really not something you even go through- you live it.  And that’s just life.  Then maybe on nights that feel like summers past, you sit on your bed and finally get it.
And then you are ready to sleep.

Thoughts from the other night on my birthday.
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7 comments:

  1. THIS. IS. PERFECT, okay? I turned 15 a week ago. and I am struggling with change, and everything is flying by so quickly. This is just beautiful. Happy Birthday, Gabby!! I hope your year will be blessed and full of Jesus.
    -marcia @ in reckless abandon

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  2. Oh, dearheart! This is just beautiful...and completely true. Growing up has proven to be a lot more complicated than when I was young and thought it was to be all grand and full of grown upish things. *smile* I'm glad to have you as someone to grow up alongside, even if we live miles apart. *wink*

    HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, my dearest turkey!!! xoxo

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  3. Oh. Lovely, beautiful and true.
    You really hit the mark on this one.
    YES, music does bring back feelings and emotions; my dad was humming a song on Sun. that all the sudden took me back to last spring. When I hit a learning curve with my camera and found out how to get the focus I wanted, and I also saw one flower backlit and I've been hooked on backlit anything since. I'm pretty sure my sister was playing and singing the song on the piano as I came in, glassy eyed from photographing and uploaded them. Then I looked through them, the mind blowing colors and shapes, and had a rush of...of, adrenline I think.
    The song is 'Only by Grace can we Enter' (which you probably haven't heard of) and when I hear it now, all those feelings come back.
    It's wonderful. Music. <3
    I really like it when you ponder the mysteries and joys and pains of growing up; I see my own thoughts mirrored there and then I like to see where they took you and where you ended up.
    Keep on. =)

    xx ~Jenny



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  4. Oh, and silly me, the fire pictures are splendiferous! Love the bokeh!

    <3 Jenny

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  5. Gabby, dear, this is so true and beautifully put. You always manage to put into the most wonderful words thoughts that are important and beautiful. I hope you had a lovely birthday!

    Hugs,
    Emily.

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  6. HOW DID I MISS THIS?! I keep missing posts on my Dashboard, for some reason. *sigh* Anyway. This is so extremely beautiful, Gabby dear. You simply pour your heart out into your words, and I love the way you write. Also, those pictures are so tremendously beautiful. :)

    ... and Happy (late) Birthday (again), Gabby dear! :) I felt exactly the same way when I turned 16. And the funny thing is, I felt SO alone. (Like no one in the world ever felt that way when they turned a year older. ha. ;)) But it's true. Everyone goes through this stage--this time of life, and has these thoughts and feelings, I'm sure, although they probably don't know how to express it like you do. :) I hope you had a fabulously blessed day, dear, and I know a wonderful year is ahead of you! :)

    ::hugs::
    xo, mikailah

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  7. ''Then, basically, you are just sort of growing up. Doing funny stuff like paying attention to other people and noticing things you’ve never noticed before and dreaming little dreams. The ironic thing? One day, after more or less realizing who you are and the way things work, you see that it’s not just you- it’s everybody who goes through this. It’s really not something you even go through- you live it. And that’s just life.''

    this is my life in a paragraph. and why do I always cry after reading your posts?! (Because I'm crying over the fact that this is extremely poignant and emotional and nostalgic and beautiful.)

    happy birthday, dearest.

    xxx acacia

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